"Come to my office and I will open that door," Mnangagwa tells Swiss investors - and play Russian roulette

For the umpteenth time President Emmerson Mnangagwa; business people will not want to do business in a country where there is no political and economic stability, no rule of law, no sense of continuity, no transparency, etc., especially the savvy foreign investors you are trying to woo from the West who have had their fingers badly burnt by this Zanu PF regime.

"(Zimbabwe) is a greenfield, a virgin economy. If an area is virgin, many people would want to go there. So, I encourage all investors to come and taste the pudding. The country is open for business," President Mnangagwa told guest at a luncheon attended by scores of Swiss and international business people, hosted by the Africa Swiss Business Circle in Zurich, Switzerland.

"We may say nice things, but on the ground you find that there are issues that need clarification. We will direct them to correct authorities. If you find that a door is closed, a situation which was common in the past dispensation, come to my office and I will open that door."   

He really does not get it, does he!

In other words, nothing has changed in Zimbabwe, he is admitting business people can still expect to walk another mine of confusion, bureaucracy, corruption, etc. in his new dispensation. To get anywhere, the would-be investor must meet the all-powerful big boss-man himself, His Excellency, The Right Honourable President of the Republic of Zimbabwe, Emmerson Dambudzo Mnangagwa (affectionately known as Ngwena, Crocodile or Lacoste). Nothing, absolutely nothing will happen without his say!

As you can well, imagine Mr Would-be Investor, everyone is queuing to see big boss-man Ngwena. You may have to wait for months or even years before you get a chance to meet him. But here is a list of people who can arrange it for you to see him in weeks, days or even hours depending on the position of the individual on the list. The higher on the list the individual happens to be the greater their influence as a mover and shaker and the larger their asking price.

You bribe one official today and tomorrow you have to bribe the same guy again because these guys’ greed is insatiable; whatever you paid them last time, they believe they should have asked for a lot more because you can afford it. You bribe one and you will be surprise how many others you have to bribe along the food chain!

“If you find that a door is closed, a situation which was common in the past dispensation, come to my office and I will open that door," President Mnangagwa reassured the would-be investor. Now before the would-be investor thanks you for your very reassuring words, he\she will want to know whether they will get a receipt for money paid to the movers and shakers who will facilitate the meeting?

Even if President Mnangagwa does open all the doors for the would-be investor at no cost in cash, time or otherwise; a shrewd business person will have to think of what happens if President Mnangagwa should be replace by someone like VP Chiwenga, for example. No doubt they will have to knock at his door too to get their business license renewed. Now VP Chiwenga is known to love gold watches, he has 40 of them at the last count; will they be expected to present him with a gold-watch present to win favours?

Business people shy away from countries where they are expected to shell out large sums of money for whatever reason and not get a receipt for it because that is the very essence of bad business! Any business venture anywhere in the world is a risk in that there are no guarantees to a return on one’s investment the market forces of supply and demand are as changeable as the weather. The risk of getting no return on one’s investment shoot up by an unknown factor in countries like Zimbabwe where one tyrant can be woken up in the small hours of the morning and be told he no longer rules the roost.

“Baba vanovata rimwe ziso rakasvinura!” (Robert Mugabe sleeps with one eye open!) confessed Grace Mugabe last year. The tyrant was fearful of a coup.

In the small hours of 15 November 2017 the military coup the couple dreaded happened. We will never know whether he had closed both eyes or the open eye was the lazy-eye, it saw nothing!

in the morning but when goes up its own right

It is certain that this Zanu PF regime has no intention of holding free, fair and credible elections this year or ever. With the door to free and fair elections slammed shut the next change of leader in Zanu PF has to be another military coup or violent street protests.

No doubt President Mnangagwa has too learned to sleep with both eyes open, just to be doubly sure, he too does not wake-up to find himself look-up the business end of an AK47 rifle! Ever since he was appointed VP in 2014 he has had three attempts on his life already; he is a seasoned thug and having to live in constant fear is nothing to him. What he is failing to appreciate is that business people do not like to do business in countries they have to pay large sums of money and get no receipt, where regime change is Wild-West gun-marriage, etc., etc., etc. They can get comparable profit margins in other countries without having to play Zimbabwe’s Russian roulette game.